Sometimes a girl just wants to be pretty, sometimes all she can ask for is to be held and cherished. Sometimes its not enough just to say hello with a small hint of a smile, but rather you must scream her name and run to her embrace. Sometimes she needs complements even if she pretends not t0 like them, wants people to like her even though she says she doesn't, and most importantly she needs people desperately against her own design- but no more of that.
I am tired of living my life like a wisp of who i use to be. I was independent, strong, immovable. What happened to her? Seems a lot of things have been slipping. Fear runs my life. Floods it. Constantly i am looking for another release when the only true fill will be up to me and being true to whats inside me. Well i am sick and tired of it. Scared of a test, of failure, of looking stupid, of people not liking me. Now i don't like myself.
I wont pass the A.P. test, doesn't that say something about my soul? My worth? My integrity or intelligence? No. I'm trying to get that through my thick skull.
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Today Jake and i went geocaching. I like to do that. i like nature, the serenity. The searching just adds a sense of adventure and thrill. This summer should be great, i want to be out doors most of the time. i will have the freedom I've never had because i will be able to drive and that will make a huge difference in my relationship with my parents.
My mom and i are learning to get along, finally. We row like none other but the distance between when we fully makeup is getting shorter each time. Relationships are iffy in my life right now, why make friends just to say goodbye? That's why I'm glad i have my sister, my mom, my dog- people i know will be there. Another reason i am glad for summer. i want to visit my sister and spend every day with my dog. I don't think my sister realizes how big of an example she is to me.
Events in which i just mearly wish to list for i could fill several pages with its information are the following; Prom, Senior Pictures, Date with Jake, Made Jungle Dancer, Father breaking his back.
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